A trimmed technical email

This rewrite is from someone on a recent workshop. It’s a powerful example of what happens – even to very technical content – when you focus on:

• speakable language

• bottom line up front

• visual variety.

Thanks for inspiring me, Anonymous! 😊
 

Before

Cable trays beneath bleacher seating
 
Hi Aaron,

The structural engineers have come back on some of the penetrations through structural walls beneath the theatre seating and there needs to be a bit of a reshuffle of the cable trays. This has had some knock-on effects where we have had to shift our main power tray which has squeezed the services a bit.

To ensure a free run and 300mm segregation between ELV and LV containment, is there any chance you could please shift your ELV tray running between the Audio control room and the Lighting control room so that it is about 400mm closer to Gridline E?

I’ve attached a pdf of the proposed relocations, you will see that our electrical Power & Comms tray have rerouted since the last deliverable.

Please give me a call if you have any questions, I’m also happy to set up a quick Teams if you need.

Many thanks,

 

After

Flexibility to relocate your theatrical cable trays underneath the bleacher seating
 
Hi Aaron,

I hope you had a nice weekend.

Can you please move your cable tray slightly?

The change I’m proposing is for you to move:

• The tray running between the Audio Control Room and Lighting Control Room

• Can you relocate it to be 400mm to the right (towards Gridline E)
   

 
Why is this happening now?

• We’ve had pushback from the structural engineers on our services penetrations

• We’ve had to move our electrical cable trays as a result

• This has caused some clashes with your theatrical cable trays

 
Please give me a call if you have any questions.

Thanks for your help!